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Ali Baghdadi
Ali Baghdadi
7/15/07
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Mom Would Have Spanked Bush’s Butt 
The Lie is too Big 
By Ali Baghdadi 
(arabjournl@aol.com, Chicago) 

Only fools could make up the amazing confession tale
of Khaled Sheik Mohammed. 
Only fools would also believe this hilarious story. 

Mohammed, who ranks as number three
in al-Qaeda, after Ben Laden and al-Zawahiri
 as the United States government
wants us to believe,
not only accepted sole responsibility
for planning, plotting and/or executing
a long list of terrorist crimes
prepared by the Bush administration,
but voluntarily reminded the court
of other murderous incidents
not appearing in his indictment.
 
All the “Muslim” terrorist acts
in the last twenty years,
the real and imaginary ones,
are of his making.
 
The American people can now sleep in peace.
 The world is now safer.
Hurray to President George W. Bush II.
This fairy tale reminds me of something
I am revealing for the first time
about my own childhood.
 
I must confess, as a little kid,
I lied to my mom.
 
Apparently I was not a “good” liar.
I often got caught. My mom was “mean”.
She accepted no nonsense
from me or anyone else.
She showed zero tolerance
for my “bad” behavior.
 
Immediately after each lie, she ordered me
to take off my pants, and spanked my butt.
Her weapon of mass destruction
was our old long broom.
She was a good planner.
She used to borrow the broom of our neighbor
next door, as a precautionary measure,
just in case hers breaks
during her “merciless disciplinary” act.
 
The corner of our room (we had no house,
only one tiny room) was my solitary confinement
for the rest of the day.
At no time were our neighbors able to save me
 or lower my sentence.
They were all scared of my mom’s broom.
 
She also kept the room locked to any intruder.
As I have just mentioned, she was a “mean” mother,
really “mean”.
As a child I strongly believed that some jinni,
a sort of unseen spirit that accompanied me
wherever I went, must have been spying on me.
 
However, as I grew older I started to suspect
the existence of those spirits.
Even if they indeed existed,
as we had been taught in al-Madrasa
by our “religious scholars” who recited the Qura’n
 from memory and “knew best”,
I doubted that my mom actually had an open channel
 of communication with them.
 
After I graduated from high school
and entered my adulthood years,
and while my mom was in a good mood
because of the “great” accomplishments of her only son,
 I hesitantly dared to ask her a question
that had been bothering me since the day I was born.
 Of course, first I wished her a high and comfortable place
 in paradise next to my dad who departed years ago.
 Then I kissed her two hands to show respect and remorse
 for all the “crimes” and bad deeds I had committed
 or that I may unintentionally commit in the future.
 
 “How were you able to uncover most of my lies,
dear mom? There were no eye witnesses,
and I had made sure to leave no evidence
to be used in my indictments”.
 
She looked at me with a smile and tears in her eyes
and said, “It was simple, my beloved son.
The lies were too big.
They were obvious.
One didn’t have to be a scientist
to discover them.”
 
George W. Bush was unfortunate!
Apparently Barbara Pierce Bush,
a descendant of President Franklin Pierce,
was not a “mean” mom.
 
This may explain the fact that her son,
“poor” George, turned out the way he is,
among other things, a pathetic liar, mass murderer
 and war criminal.
 
William John Cox, in his book titled A Brief
 on The Bush Presidency, wrote:
“How is it that a lying and denying alcoholic,
with arrests for theft and disturbing the peace
and a conviction for drunk driving;
one born with a silver spoon in his mouth,
with no empathy for the plight of ordinary people;
an inarticulate spoiled brat who just didn’t get
the lessons of a good education;
a chronically failed businessman
who’s never earned anything on his own;
and a high school cheerleader
who avoided military service in Vietnam…
 
 “Bush’s younger brother Neil recalls
when he was seven years old
and his little brother Marvin six,
George Jr., age 16, would give them ten seconds
 to start running down the hall
before he began shooting BB pellets at them…
 
 “Bush’s boyhood friend Terry Throckmorton
remembers how he and Bush would capture frogs
that would gather in the water at a low spot
behind Bush’s house:
‘We’d put firecrackers in the frogs
and throw them and blow them up’”.
 
Out of respect, in the Arab World,
parents are known by the name of their oldest son.
My mother was called umm (the mother of) Ali.
However, my father was known
as abu (the father of) Mustafa,
a deceased son from an earlier marriage.
 The parents’ first names are dropped
the moment their first son is born.
If you asked my mother to give you her name,
the only answer you would get
would be umm Ali.
I am in debt to my “illiterate” mom,
umm Ali.
I will honor and love her as long as I live.
 
In my memory she will continue
to be the greatest and best mother ever existed.
One thing for sure, some may call me uncompromising,
hard headed and stubborn
when it comes to certain basic principles,
but no one ever called me a spoiled brat.
I do still believe that the stick she used
 to reprimand me came from heaven.
I also believe, as taught by Prophet Muhammad,
“Entry to Paradise can only be realized
from beneath the feet of mothers.”
 
My mother passed away twenty five years ago.
Had she been alive today, the President of the United States and his administration would have benefited a great deal had they hired umm Ali as a top advisor. She would have kept them all in line and out of trouble. Anytime they sat in the Oval Office to plan a lie, as they often do, they should have invited her to listen. I must tell you the truth, if the lie is too big or small, my mom would have screamed straight in the President’s face. “You are a fool. Only fools would believe you. Try again.” Umm Ali was not a sexist, a racist or a bigot. Certainly, she would have treated George, a blue-eyed, a non-Muslim and a non-Arab, as her only child. She would have even asked the most powerful leader in the world, to take off his pants and spanked his rear end. After rejecting all his lies, my mother would have turned to the President and told him, “It is for oil, stupid. Fire all your s.o.b. advisors, including Vice President Cheney. Tell the truth to the American people. Say it as it is, my little boy”. Had he listened, peace around the world would have prevailed. People worldwide would have adored George W. Bush. Umm George would have also shared some of the praise with her naughty child. The President of the United States of America would have walked to my mom and kissed her hands. Remember what I stated earlier, though she didn’t go to school, my mom, mercy of Allah be upon her soul, was a no nonsense woman. No one, including the Commander in Chief of the United States military forces, was big in her eyes. She prayed five times a day at al-Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem, fasted the month of Ramadan and also Shaa’ban and Zul-Hijjah, gave of the little she had to the poor and made the pilgrimage to Mecca, not once, not twice, but three times. In her return journey home to Jerusalem, she died in al-Medina, not far away from the man she loved the most, Prophet Muhammad. What a fortunate woman! She was buried in al-Baqee’, the most sacred and honored cemetery in the entire Muslim World, and joined the Messenger’s companions who carried the banner of Islam to almost every corner of the globe. The grave, which she supervised and helped to dig earlier, next to the ancient wall of the city of Jerusalem, was donated, in accordance with her will, to Said and his brother Ishaq al-Nemr, our two poor neighbors. To make it short and brief, as you have seen, umm Ali feared no one but “Allah”, the God of the Universe, all men and women, all animals, all plants, all planets and all galaxies. Umm Ali is now in heaven. She will not be of any help to President George W. Bush. She is not prepared to descend to earth and fix the mess he has created. Unfortunately, little George has been caught with his two hands, not one, in the cookie jar again and again. His foolish advisors got him in big trouble, not once, not twice, but so many times. He continues to lie. Again, only fools would believe the list of terrorist crimes attributed to Khaled Sheik Mohammad. The lie is too big.